It's Been a While

It's been a while since I told someone how I really feel. Since I could honestly answer any type of question; "How are you?" "When did you start talking to her?" "Do you REALLY think Dr. Pepper is the best drink for you?"
It's been a while since I could say that I knew what I was doing. If the things I'm doing are the right things to do. Or if I'm doing these things the right way. School, work, friends. Every single choice I decide to make, or every situation I decide to run away from.
It's been a while since I've been myself. I feel so far from the good ol' days, when I could just laugh and play. I didn't have to worry about who was lurking around every corner. I can't remember the last time I wasn't angry, or annoyed, by the simplest of things.
It's been a while since I told the complete truth. Since I wasn't ashamed to tell people who I've become.
It's been a while since I felt truly okay with myself. Since I could look in the mirror and smile. Since I could tell myself, "you are so beautiful, inside and out."
It's been a while since I knew who I was. Since I could tell the world my story.
It's been a while since I spoke with Jesus. I feel like I've fallen so far off track, that I can't get back on my own.
It's been a while since I could stand on my own. Since I could say I can do things alone, without any help from any person.
It's been a while since I could be happy. Since I could smile and convince others it was real.
It's been a while since I've had to find myself. Really, I think I just stopped looking.
I could really use a break, because honestly, it's been a while.