individualism.

***live for the moments you can't put into words.**

today, one of my teachers said something that really just upset me. i mean, he normally does but still.. he made a comment about how someone back in the day encouraged being different from society and being yourself and he specifically made it a point to pick one student from the crowd, making her different from "us." she happens to be one of my friends, a very close friend actually, and she really is an individual but..she's not the only one.
just because someone makes it a point to show their "individuality" doesn't mean they are the only one who is an "individual." now, i'm not upset with her at all because she IS her own person and all that, but whos to say that i'm not?. i believe i AM different. and i choose to be, just like her. just because you don't recognize it as easily as you recognize her independence, doesn't mean it's not there. our school is FULL of individuals, so many clicks, so many personalities that aren't recognized. it's just upsetting to know that there are some who make it known they are different and there are some who really don't care. i am one of those who doesn't care, to a point. when its to the point of being compared to someone else, it pisses me off, very much so. almost as much as to PROVE that i am different from everyone, even the
"individuals."  but, i think that, is selfish. what am i going to do?. not a thing. because, i think it would make me just like everyone else because it's sooo important to always make their point known. nope. i am different. i don't care how you feel, or what you say. i have opinions and i make them known as i please. i WILL stand up for myself when necessary. now, is just not one of those times.
-Payt.

"POTENTIAL"

**pain is guaranteed, but struggling is an option.**
so i've played softball ever since 6th grade, off and on due to injuries, but i still always played. but, i've come to realize and admit to myself that i am just noo good! i love the game and the feel of your surroundings, the sounds, the sights..i love it all. this is why i decided i wanted to be the baseball manager this year. however, dreams don't always come true. sometimes you've got to work really hard just for the very minimum that can be recieved. here is my story...
....i went in with my hopes high in thinking i would be a great addition to the team, well sort of. but, right off the bat, i was shut down. all my hopes flew out the window. :( maybe i don't look dedicated, or "fit for the job" but, you really can't judge a book by its cover. maybe if someone would have showed interest in taking the time to actually listen to what i had to say, we would have gotten somewhere. instead, we are going to have to start off on the wrong foot, all because i don't look all.."hard core". you know, when you tell someone that they don't have the potential to do something, it only drives them to work harder to show you and prove you wrong!.
now...as much as i really truly want this, i am working towards my goal, and that is mainly focused on just proving those who don't think i have the "potential" wrong. so wrong that they will realize just how wrong they were to assume so horribly of me and then want me as their baseball manager after all..and in the event, depending on my mood, i may just deny the plea.
or maybe, in the time of all my anger, he knew that telling me i couldn't do it would drive me closer to showing that i can..then again, i don't think my thought process works the same as his.. i guess whatever happens happens and its for the best. or maybe, mistakes will be made and lessons will be learned from them in the mean time. second chances? yes, i do believe. for the sake of you and me both.
<3 Payt.

"38 witnesses"

first of all, i would like to say that i have an extraordinary english teacher this year, Mrs. Caffey (and no, i'm not saying that in case she is reading, just ask anyone..she is loved!) anyway, yesterday we read a newspaper article posted in the 1960's about a women named Kitty Genovese who was brutally murdered in the neighborhood of her apartment complex. now, your probably thinking that it was like what we say nowadays that goes something like an argument taking place leading up to a shooting and the victim(s) die..not at all how it went down. You see, Kitty was barely getting home late one night after work when, out of nowhere, a man decided to stab her (multiple times)! well the story goes on and she dies after this man attacked her. but there is more...during this attack not only did people hear what was happening but they also watched! now, why is it that nobody even attempted to call the police or go out to help her during this horrific time?. this is the question i cannot seem to answer. if you were in that same situation wouldn't you feel obligated to stop it? to do SOMETHING rather than to just sit there and watch?? how could any person not feel even the least bit concerned after an ordeal like that? i mean, maybe i'm making a big deal out of what was just an in-class discussion, but it really took to heart. i can only imagine how she would feel if she did happen to live knowing that of the 38 people surrounding her, not one cared enough about her to go out and risk even just a little danger toward themselves. i guess you wouldn't know what to do unless you were in that situation because apparently being in shock counts as a pretty decent excuse, but some people said they gave no second thought to even helping this woman. it's truly sad to know that along with these psycho killers out there, they have "accomplices" that don't even know they not only witnessed something terrible, but also did nothing to stop it. its times like these that i thank god for what we are given because some of us really are blessed.. but, sometimes fate has another option for us, right? my opinion, we live in a pretty messed up world..
<3 Payt.

Just the start

This is my blog #1...obviously. i actually never thought about having my own blog until recently; so much talk of it being "lame" and "pointless...because all the important things about your life you'll just tell the people your close to anyway.." which in fact, is completely untrue!. well, i'd like to start by saying that yes, i know i type gramatically incorrect, but because i choose to. it's enough work to have to ALWAYS be right about the little things. here, i will write as i please without your approval. (: now, here is my plan... i'd like to start every post with a quote that i seemed to appreciate for some reason or another at a point in time. so, here goes. **Despite the power of the sun, its always night on half the planet. -Smallville** i more than likely won't give an explanation of where i first saw it or why i seem to like it so much but on occassion, if i'm in the mood, i'll let ya know.. basically.... that's all i'll write for this post. thanks for reading. (: p.s. i tend to use smiley faces quite often.
<3 Payt.