Because It's Life

I've been sitting and thinking and thinking and sitting for the last two days. But for some reason I can't get a single thought to make sense. You see, in all the times I've truly cared for someone, you were the first to tell me you loved me and mean it. With that look in your eyes as you stared into mine. That look of pure admiration, and honesty, and seriousness. And yet, so full of life and actual heartfelt meaning. 
When my heart breaks, it shatters. The world starts to spin and I lose my balance. I curl up into a ball; my own little world. I sleep. I cry my eyes out. I wake up from nightmares replaying over and over whether I'm awake or not.. But since the first time I looked into your eyes, I haven't. I haven't cried once. I think I finally realized just where I was meant to be, looking right into those beautiful, welcoming eyes of yours. I haven't slept for countless hours. The amount of time we have been apart. I can't seem to grasp it all. How in just one moment everything turned from being perfect and just how I wanted, to a complete blur. There is something about you that makes me feel so lost. So compelled to get in the car and drive. Just drive straight to your house, to knock on your door, and to kiss you. The way you would kiss the love of your life on your wedding day. Fast forward fifteen years and it would be the same kiss that brought your crumbling marriage back together after almost ending it all. That kiss that made you realize why you fell in love in the first place. And after I kissed you and my heart was filled with pure bliss and love again, like it was never broken in the first place, I'd get back in my car and drive away. Far, far away where nobody could tell me what to do or who to be. Nobody could tell me what decisions or mistakes to make. What may scar me or make me incredibly happy in the end. And then I would feel complete. For the very first time ever. And as a single tear would fall from my eye, I'd smile and look over at the seat next to me, because you would be sitting there. Right there next to me, for the rest of time. And nobody would be able to take you away from me, because then you could be mine and only mine.
But then I fall out of this daze that makes life seem so effortlessly perfect. I'm brought back to this life that I have been given. And suddenly, it all finally makes sense. Because it's life. All of it. The pain, the love, the daydreams, the nightmares, the spinning and dancing. It's life. It's not supposed to work out the way you expect it to. It's not supposed to be blissfully endless. It's a challenge; a constant battle. Only for the strongest warriors.
I've been sitting and thinking and thinking and sitting for the last two days. And I think I'm ready for my shield and sword.